Losing Our First Fur-Baby - Sleep Tight Sammy

It's weird, it's been just over a week since we lost Sammy, mine and Adam's first-ever fur baby together, - our baby before we had babies, and yet despite how much I miss her. I still feel her spirit with us. I'm not a spiritual person, nor am I not, not-spiritual, but I do feel she is with us still. Maybe no longer in the physical version, but perhaps as some form of energy. 

I know that'll sound strange to most, but I've not stopped finding white feathers since we lost her. I see them absolutely everywhere. I even had one fall out of my slipper when I took it off the other day. There's been no obvious reason for this sudden influx of white feathers and they started the day after I asked for a sign that she was okay whilst I was crying on my bed just after we lost her. I guess asking for a sign makes me spiritual, but after the spiritual reading with my deceased father earlier this year, I guess I'm just a lot more open-minded about this sort of thing. And either way, it brings me comfort in an otherwise heartbreaking time. 

It's hard to sum up what Sammy meant to us. We love all of our cats a huge amount, but she was incredibly special. She’d been through it all with us - first home, getting engaged, getting married, becoming parents, moving to two more homes. She slept with us every single night, mostly on top of me or curled up beside me. She would snuggle in between Adam and I every night when we watched tv in bed. She’d even follow me to the toilet if I got up. You’d never not find her on our bed, (which is why she’s in the back of so many of my YouTube videos), she felt happy and safe there and had no interest in the outside world. She was an anxious cat but she adored us and we adored her.

As she got older, (she was 13) we always knew it would be hard to lose Sammy, and it has been. The first few days after losing her made my heart ache, I couldn't stop crying. It was so strange to go to bed without her snuggled up to us, and so strange to wake up and not see her straight away. We always used to have to cover our glass of water up before bed as she would try and drink from the glass, so not covering it was even a strange reminder of her being gone. 

We have so many memories of Sammy from the 13 years that we got to spend with her. When she was a small kitten her and Sooty our other female cat, decided to rip the toilet paper to shreds and spread it around all of the rooms. That always makes me laugh to think back to! She was so agile too - we had a red stick that she used to jump for and she would do some seriously impressive flips trying to get it. We called her Sammy Smoush, (we made up the word Smoush, and it meant a squeezy hug!). She went through a phase of going out in our last house which was opposite a field. I remember the first time that she went out, Adam thought she was lost and stood out in the muddy field all day until the evening looking for her! When we found her and brought her in, it was obvious she'd just been chilling in the bush all day and wanted to go back out and explore! Adam was covered in mud and cold and it made me laugh out loud! Hes such a great cat-dad! 

She also went through a mouse-catching stage, which wasn't so fun. She'd bring live and dead mice in. We had live mice in the living room behind furniture and even in our bedroom when we woke up on a couple of occasions. I once had a dead mouse on my pillow courtesy of Sammy!! And then she went through a stage of weeing and pooing in places she shouldn't have. It was her way of probably telling us she was no longer interested in going outside and wanted a litter tray! She once even left us a present under on Christmas tree! 

Despite how naughty she could be in her younger days, she really was a one in a million sort of cat, a cat who was definitely meant for us and our patience and love for cats. She gave so much love in return though and we felt that every single day from her. It was so hard to see her unwell at the end, the vet suspected heart disease and after reading up on it, I did too. We had hoped we'd be able to manage it for a little while, but she lost a LOT of weight even faster than the vet had expected, her appetite was mostly gone, she was lethargic and looked so unwell in her face and then when her back legs went, we rushed her to an emergency appointment but the vet told us that there was nothing more that they could do. It really, really broke my heart. I felt pain in my chest for days. But now I am focusing on the good memories that we have of her and on being grateful for the wonderful years that we were lucky enough to have had with her. My darling Sammy Smoush who was loved so much. ❤️

 

My last photo of Sammy. I’d given her my cardigan the morning before we lost her to sleep on in the hope it would bring her some comfort. 

Sleep tight my beautiful girl. xxxxx