Don't Quit your Daydream (Even If It Feels Impossible)

Nine years ago, back in 2010 (how has it been nine years since 2010?!), I used to spend many hours a day in between working my job as a station officer at the police station with my head stuck in a daydream. I'd stumbled across YouTube and then I'd stumbled across family vloggers such as The Shaytards and The Saccone Jolys and I felt instantly drawn to what they were doing. I loved how they were capturing life in all of its rawness. How they'd make the ordinary moments seem like the moments that were worth capturing and how they had this portal of memories they could instantly look back on. 

At that point in my life, I was finding out what true happiness felt like. I had just married my childhood sweetheart and we were expecting our first baby. If there was ever a moment in time I wanted to capture and bottle up, it was then. So I felt drawn to creating my own videos, capturing my own moments. Not at first for anybody else (the sheer thought of absolutely anyone watching the videos I might create was utterly terrifying). And not as a business at first (I hadn't even really thought of it that way when I started). Just as a way of capturing that happiness I was feeling for maybe one of the first times in my life. 

My first few attempts of creating a 'vlog' on the camera on my phone didn't go to plan. I won't call them failures because those attempts led me to where I am now - earning a VERY decent wage and working for myself as a blogger and a vlogger. But they didn't go to plan and I realised that despite my passion for wanting to capture everyday life, I had to seriously work on my confidence. 

My lack of confidence on camera is what drove me to start this blog. It was SO much easier to write down my feelings rather than talk to a camera and share them that way. Blogging was for me, back when I started, a bit of a nerdy hobby (it seems to have become a WHOLE LOT cooler over the years!) and a great way for an introvert like me to connect socially with like-minded people.

For ages though, I'd hide my blog and my posts from everyone I knew in 'real-life' including my Husband. But then one day I realised how bloody proud of it I was. How proud I was that I had stuck at it. That I had created my own space here online. How I'd even started earning a little money from it. But most of all I think I just realised that I had absolutely no reason to ever hide away the things that made up me. 

Around 2013/2014 I boldly entered a competition that a new parenting YouTuber agency was running. I was still drawn to the whole idea of making videos and uploading them to YouTube and so determined to give it another shot. I sat down in my little boys' bedroom with him and we filmed a bit of a silly, fun video together. And to my surprise, the agency actually liked it and then chose me to be one of their 'sponsored vloggers'. I was thrilled but so nervous. Was I really ready to be a 'YouTuber'? let alone get paid for it? 

I remember vividly how difficult I found filming videos in the beginning. I would stutter and stumble over my words. I would sit there for sometimes over an hour trying to film a 10-minute video struggling to say what I wanted to say. I'd get frustrated and angry at myself. I'd get upset. But I was determined to not let myself hold myself back and so I committed to sitting there for hours, to stumbling over my words, to whatever it took to overcome my nerves, my anxieties and my lack of confidence to do the thing that I'd once daydreamed about doing. 

It's now been around five years since I started making videos on YouTube properly and although I decided to go it alone and am no longer with the agency that I started out on Youtube with, I kept that promise of commitment to myself and I've kept at it.

I've had the most fun uploading hundreds of videos over the years. I've grown my following so far from 0 to 20,700+ subscribers and my videos have had over 2 million views. I might not be 'huge' in comparison to others on the platform, but it's not about that for me. I am capturing and making the videos I always wanted to and I'm even able to earn an income from doing so. Plus I am so grateful for every single subscriber that I have, it's the best feeling knowing that others enjoy the videos I make. I like to focus on my own personal growth, and for someone as anxious as I was when I started, I am so proud of what I have achieved. 

Not only have I grown my confidence, not only did I not quit my daydream despite feeling like I was not cut out for it, but I have also managed to turn this online space of mine into a business. In 2015 I left my job completely and I started working for myself earning a decent income through my blog, my social media platforms and also my YouTube channel. 

I have been fortunate enough to have been picked by and to have worked with many well-known brands including Walt Disney World (which was probably one of the most surreal collaborations I've ever done) and lots of other brands who I never dreamt I'd ever work with.

I have earnt more money than I ever thought I could from doing this. I have grown so much from a self-development point of view, from learning new skills to learning so much about myself and from growing my confidence and overcoming hurdles that I used to let stand in my way.

I have captured so many of my favourite everyday moments as well as lots of extraordinary moments too. And I have connected with so many like-minded people online and formed what I view as great friendships and connections which I feel so grateful for. There's nothing quite like receiving a message or a comment from somebody I might not otherwise have had the chance to connect with, telling me that I've helped them in some way. Or for it to be the other way around and for me to be reaching out and thanking someone else for sharing something that has helped me. 

I never usually give myself enough credit, I am too quick to criticise myself or doubt myself. I know that I don't save lives daily, I know that I didn't have to study for years at university to do what I do now, but I have worked really hard to achieve my goals and to make my daydream a reality and I continue to do so daily. And for that, I am really proud of myself. 

I haven't written this post to boast - I can't stand arrogance at all. I have written this post to remind myself that I should be proud of what I've achieved because even now I have so many wobbles. Even now I think I'm not quite good enough. Even now I stumble and stutter over my words (oh for the power of good editing) and even now I suffer from imposter syndrome more often than not. 

I also wrote this post for everyone else with a daydream. To remind you that you ARE good enough. That you CAN achieve whatever it is you are passionate about. That the things that feel like they are standing in your way are there to help make you stronger. If it can happen for me, it can happen for you. So don't quit your daydream (even if it feels impossible). 

Thank you for reading. 

  Alex xo

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