Perspective

When it comes to writing personal posts here on my blog I really do like to try and capture the ordinary moments, I tend to think that it's the ordinary moments in life that are sometimes the very best, even if we don't realise it until afterwards when we reflect back on what are our good memories. 

But for my family, last night wasn't very ordinary. My Husband Adam collapsed in our bathroom whilst I laid in bed asleep. He'd been experiencing pains in his chest since Sunday afternoon. I don't know what woke me up, I don't remember if he shouted for me, or if I heard the bang or if it was instinct, but finding the person I love lying on the floor going in and out of consciousness was probably the worst moment of my life. In the few seconds and his moments of consciousness, he was laying on the floor with his arms to his chest near to his heart telling me that couldn't breathe. I'd never been so scared in my entire life as I was then and in the minutes after, even phoning for the ambulance is now just a blur. Thankfully further tests at the hospital indicated that we had nothing more serious to worry about than what is most likely a torn chest muscle and some swelling around his lung. His Mum, Dad and I bought Adam home from the hospital in the early hours of the morning and I am now making sure that he is taking it easy whilst his chest hopefully begins to heal.

I struggled to sleep when we got home from the hospital, my mind kept flashing back to seeing him laying there on the floor not responding to me shouting nor at me shaking him. I kept thinking about how though I know I had acted quickly, how much I had been panicking inside. I kept thinking about what that had been running through my mind when I found him and thinking about what I thought I was seeing scared me. I'm never blasé about how much Adam means to me, I try to never take him or us for granted and I really do count my blessings. I worry about losing him far often than is probably healthy to, but doing so reminds me how precious life is and why we should try to make everyday count. Sometimes that's easier said than done, being so close and so similar, as well as human, means that we of course do clash from time to time, but never does a day pass that I don't think about how in love with him I am.

I like to try and take the positives from these sorts of unpleasant events and of course the positive here is that he is alive and mostly well with nothing else too serious going on. It's times like last night that really do put things into perspective though and in terms of my fear, my panic and my upset, they ultimately serve as a firm reminder about just how precious life is and the ones we love in it are. 

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