Putting the spark back into your relationship after having a Baby

Welcoming a new baby into the family is one of the significant moments in a couple’s relationship. Not only is it filled with hope and promise, excitement and sweetness, but also with plenty of anxiety and fear. The balance between these positive and negative feelings will determine whether a relationship will continue to be happy and satisfying or whether the changes that occur will have a stressful effect on the couple.

How having a baby effects a relationship

A variety of things change when a new baby comes into the mix. Taking on the new roles of mum and dad, particularly for the first time, have a profound effect on the individuals and the couple as a whole. Priorities shift as the child becomes the focus of daily life, social activities take a backseat to feedings and bath time, and sleep deprivation begins to take its toll.

For the woman, recovering from the climactic labour and delivery can take time and the needs of a baby cannot wait. Simple daily activities such as bathing, laundry and fixing meals can become overwhelming and the stress and strain can very easily be vented on to the nearest person, namely the man in the relationship. Women also experience an array of changes to their bodies that continue after the baby is delivered and, for many, this can be a hindrance to being close and intimate with their partner.

For the man, the birthing experience can also be very traumatic and seeing their partner as both mother and lover may be difficult. There may also be an element of jealousy, with some men viewing the new child as a sort of rival for attention.

How couples can regain closeness

Good communication is one of the most important elements of a good relationship and taking the time to talk together every day, whether the conversations are about serious matters or simply chatting about daily life, is vital. Partners in a relationship need to remember their friendship and the qualities that brought them together in the first place and talking to each other and spending time together are the most important way to do that.

Romance may seem a foreign concept amongst all the feeding bottles and nappies, but making time to be alone together is vital for any relationship. Taking the time to express affection and admiration for each other throughout the day can strengthen the bond between a couple and make it easier to connect and communicate. 

Finding time to be intimate with each other can be very difficult for new parents. While romantic candlelight and lingerie teddies may be just the ticket for some new mums, others may need to find different ways to re-establish that side of the marriage. The key is to find ways to reconnect that are both spontaneous and scheduled. Plan date nights both inside and outside the home; going out with close friends can be as romantic for a couple as having a quiet dinner at home. For men, making an effort to understand how the woman is feeling about herself can help. Many women struggle with their post-partum bodies and find their self-esteem and libido weakened. This is usually overcome in a relatively short time but worrying about it can sometimes lengthen the return to normality. Spend time together and relax; things will then take their natural course.